Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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