She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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