i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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