you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
