I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
