Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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