You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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