I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
