the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
