just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just want nice things and good sex
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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