I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
