remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
