HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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