Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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