If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize