i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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