When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
