Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
