Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
