Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Panties = found
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
