Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
farters have to be the big spoon...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I can't put those talents on a resume
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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