so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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