There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
