I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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