Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i already hear my dad disowning me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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