she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
