i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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