I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
