we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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