Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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