U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
