I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
