Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
