Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
