He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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