Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
well you can't waste a boner
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
two words...techno handjob
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
