Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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