Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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