watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
