He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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