Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize