'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
