The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
