it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
well you can't waste a boner
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am mentally ready for anal.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
