then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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