speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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