It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize