do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
