You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
