If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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