Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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