did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
