so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
