I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
