Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
