anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
