And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
