Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
