Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
