He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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