My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
