can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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