who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
