jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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