$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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