We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
