Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
