I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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