How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
